Yisro 5782

1 – Topic – The Seuda of Yisro

As we prepare for Shabbos Parshas Yisro. Parshas Yisro begins of course with Yisro arriving where Klal Yisrael was encamped and Moshe Rabbeinu coming out to greet him. There is a Machlokes in the Gemara if this happened after Matan Torah or before Matan Torah. There are two Shittos in the Gemara and the Ramban holds that it happened before Matan Torah and the Even Ezer holds that it happened after.  

There is a big Kasha here. After Yisro gave the Eitza to Klal Yisrael and he gave them an Eitza to have a special system of judges. The Posuk begins in 18:13 that (וַיְהִי, מִמָּחֳרָת) which means that the day after Yisro came, Moshe Rabbeinu was sitting and judging Klal Yisrael. What day was it? Rashi says that it was the day after Yom Kippur (מוצאי יום הכיפורים היה). There is a very big problem here. If it was a day after he came down from Har Sinai that means as Rashi says Motzoei Yom Kippur, that means that the day that Yisro came and had the Seuda would have had to be Yom Kippur itself. It is very difficult and it is a problem with Rashi.

Boruch Hashem all the Meforshim ask this Kasha. The Daas Zekainim Mi’baalei Tosafos, the Maharal on Rashi, the Yereim on Rashi. It is universally asked as a Kasha but it still needs a Teretz. Probably the simplest Teretz would be the Ramban who says (אין הכונה שיהיה ממחרתו ממש, כי לא אכלו ביום הכפורים). That Mimochoras does not mean Mamash the day after Yom Kippur but it was a few days later much like in Shemos 13:14 (וְהָיָה כִּי-יִשְׁאָלְךָ בִנְךָ, מָחָר--לֵאמֹר) as is explained by Rashi there (יש מחר שהוא עכשיו, ויש מחר שהוא לאחר זמן). That would be the Ramban’s approach which is the easiest.

The Maharal says a Chiddush. That when Moshe Rabbeinu came down from Har Sinai on Yom Kippur that made it become a day of Kapparah. These are two possible Peshatim.

The Daf Yomi in Moed Kotton 9a (which is Friday’s Daf), brings the story of the Beis Hamikdash being inaugurated by Shlomo Hamelech. This inauguration included days of Seuda. That means that there were seven days of celebration until Sukkos and then seven days of Sukkos. This means that they ate on Yom Kippur. The Gemara says that Shlomo Hamelech Paskened that the Simcha of the Beis Hamikdash is Doche. Since the Simcha of the Beis Hamikdash is Doche, so therefore, they ate on that Yom Kippur. This is because that Simcha of eating was equivalent of the Mitzvah of fasting on that day. This is what it says in the Gemara in Moed Kotton 9a.

Zagt the Mizrachi, if so we can understand that the day when Moshe Rabbeinu came down with the Luchos She’nios was certainly a day of celebration. It was a day of joy and this is despite the fact that it was on Yom Kippur. A Chiddush Gadol but they Paskened that it is Muttar, and we have now three Teirutzim.

The Ramban says that (מִמָּחֳרָת) does not mean the day after it could mean a few days after, the Maharal says that at this point Klal Yisrael had not yet been given the commandment to fast on Yom Kippur (Adayin Lo Nitz’tavu), and the Mizrachi says that on this day they ate despite the fact that it was Yom Kippur because the Simcha of the occasion was greater than the fasting on Yom Kippur and you have to be on a Madreiga to understand that that was something that was really Kedai. This is a technical issue of the Seuda of Yisro when Yisro came.

2 – Topic – An Inyan of Machshava

Yisro comes with Tzipporah the wife of Moshe. They come together and Moshe Rabbeinu reunites with his wife who he has not seen for an extended period of time. Halo Davar Hu! The relationship between them at that point must have been a very strange relationship. Moshe Rabbeinu gets married, he leaves for an extended period of time.

We find an incredible thing. The Maharal says that the Shidduch between Moshe and his wife who was after all a Giyores, somebody without a special Yichus, was a Shidduch of a male and female that were perfect.

Normally a wife and husband are like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. They fill in each other’s Chisronos. In the case of Moshe and Tzipporah says the Maharal, they were like two pieces on flat edges on a puzzle. They fit together smoothly and seamlessly. What does that mean in practical terms? It means that they did not have Ke’paidos one on the other.  

I have a friend who got married and he married a woman who worked in the same office as him and for many years they worked together. I asked them how do you do that in marriage? How do you work together a whole day with your wife, it could be but it is a very difficult thing to be able to spend the whole day you and your wife together. There is a certain intensity to it. He told me the way it works is if one of the two has an incredibly considerate personality. So I asked him which of the two of you has the incredibly considerate personality?

He said to me that we take turns. What a Dvar Mussar. We take turns. Which means to say that in a marriage when one of the two is stressed out and all tense and nervous, the other one has to be able to be calm. At any time that both husband and wife feel stressed, tense and anxious they have to measure which one needs the help the most. “We take turns”.

Moshe Rabbeinu and Tzipporah were able to fit together without the bumps. That is the dream of a marriage. To be able to fit together without the bumps that are there in the way. That is Moshe Rabbeinu and Tzipporah Eishes Moshe.

You understood if Yisro said that if you don’t come out to greet me in my merit do it in the merit of your wife. It wasn’t just that it was his wife, it was that she was a woman who was extraordinary. Moshe Rabbeinu went and took on a role of leadership and she had no complaints, she had no Tainos of why didn’t you come to get me, did you forget about me. A no Tainos relationship. A Davar Pele!

Every human being has within him two Kochos Hanefesh that sometimes contradict each other. One is a Koach Ha’hischabrus, a Koach of connecting with someone else. The other is a Koach of Hisbodedos which is a need to be alone and have your own space. Every person has both. Women more than men need the Koach Ha’hischabrus, need a Chaver’shaf, need the relationship. Men also need the relationship. There are times that you need the Hischabrus and times that the Hisbodedos is good. A lot of the friction comes when there is a complaint that you go off on your own and you do what you have to do on your own, what about me? The ability to overcome that complaint that is the lesson of Tzipporah Eishes Moshe.

There was a Bochur in Yeshiva who was dating seriously and when he was dating he was near getting engaged and his mother said to him when you are not with her do you wish you were with her? He thought a minute and said no. When I am with her I enjoy it and when I am not with her I go on with life. His mother said there is something wrong. You should wish that you were with her all of the time.  This boy asked me is it so?

I told him by women they like the Hischabrus all the time. By men it alternates. Sometimes you want Hischabrus and sometimes you want Hisbodedos and it is perfectly okay. He came to me the next day and said I told my mother what you said that women feel that way but men don’t. He said that his mother came back to him and she said I went over to your father and I asked him when you are not with me do you wish you were with me?

Your father said of course. So it seems that the Rabbi is wrong. This young man tells me this and I tell him G-d willing you will get married and you will be a good husband. When your wife asks you the question you will say exactly the same thing. But you have to recognize that there is a need for that Koach Hischabrus B’kochos Hanefesh, definitely more by the woman than by a man.

That is what the Maharal means that Tzipporah had that Nekudah of perception that is unusual with people. Moshe Rabbeinu with the Koach of his leadership and Tzipporah in hers. We should be Zoche to learn from the two of them in the Koach in their relationship not to have Tainos. To be the one who has the extraordinary personality to be able to do what needs to be done.

With that a person is Zoche to a good marriage and B’ezras Hashem be able to live without Tainos one on the other. The extraordinary woman Tzipporah Eishes Moshe in the background. We have to learn from her behavior of not having Tainos. She could have had Tainos here and in Parshas Behaloscha she could have had Tainos. What a lesson to learn. Wishing one and all an absolutely wonderful and fantastic Shabbos Kodesh Parshas Yisro!