There is an ancient and widespread custom for fathers to bless their children upon returning home from the synagogue on Friday nights.[1] There are a number of reasons for this custom. It is based on the kabbalistic teaching that Friday night is considered to be an especially auspicious time for blessings, as evil forces are powerless on Shabbat. We are also taught that the “fountains of blessings” are open on Friday nights. Finally, blessing one’s children on Friday nights is said to remedy anything unbecoming that one might say to one’s children in a moment of anger during the upcoming week.[2]
One blesses one’s sons with "May Hashem make you like Ephraim and Menashe" followed by the three verses of Birkat Kohanim.[3] For one’s daughters, one begins with "May Hashem make you like Sara, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah" followed by the three verses of Birkat Kohanim. There are also those who add additional verses from Scripture.[4] In some families, the mother blesses the children, as well. The origins of this custom, however, are unclear. It might just be that it is an extension of a previously existing custom for children to kiss both their parents' hands on Friday night.[5] In most families, the blessing is given immediately upon returning from the synagogue, while in others, it is given just prior to Kiddush.
There is some discussion as to why we bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe. One would think that we should pray that they become like other, seemingly greater, Biblical personalities, such as Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov or Moshe, as we do when blessing our daughters. Among the many answers to this question is that Ephraim and Menashe were born in Egypt, but nevertheless remained faithful to their Jewish traditions, even in the spiritually hostile environment of Egypt. As such, with this blessing, we are essentially praying that our children be able to withstand the many temptations, challenges, and foreign influences of the modern world and still remain faithful to Torah tradition. I also once heard that the blessing is intended to recall that Ephraim and Menashe never fought with one another -- they always got along. Hence, we pray that our sons always get along with their brothers (and I suppose with their sisters, as well!)
Rav Yaakov Weinberg explained the blessing as follows. Every parent hopes that their children will reach their full potential in life. But Ephraim and Menashe did more than that -- they exceeded their potential. They became more than their father could have reasonably expected from them. They achieved a status equal to that of the twelve children of Yaakov. Hence, Rav Weinberg taught that the meaning of the blessing "May Hashem make you like Ephraim and Menashe" is that "may you exceed your potential beyond anyone's wildest expectations."[6] There are other interpretations, as well.[7]
Although not widely known, there is much discussion in halachic literature whether it is actually permissible for parents to bless their children using the Birkat Kohanim formula. This is because the Talmud says that the Birkat Kohanim is specifically for kohanim to use, and rules that it is essentially "off-limits" to non-kohanim.[8]
A number of answers have been offered to resolve this apparent conflict between the Talmudic ruling and the widespread custom for parents to bless their children with the verses of Birkat Kohanim. One explanation is that a non-Kohen is only forbidden to recite the Birkat Kohanim when it is recited in the manner that Kohanim recite it, such as with outstretched arms, and the like. When it is recited in a different manner, however, such as by placing one's hands on the head of one's children, it is permissible.[9] In fact, placing one's hands on the head of a person when giving a blessing is intended to recall that Moshe placed his hands on Yehoshua's head when he blessed him.[10]
It is also suggested that it is only forbidden for a non-kohen to recite Birkat Kohanim if the preliminary blessing ("…l’varech at amo Yisrael b'ahava") is recited, as well. This is because one cannot be accused of trying to unlawfully perform the mitzva of Birkat Kohanim if the preliminary blessing was not recited.[11] It is also suggested that non-kohanim are only forbidden to recite Birkat Kohanim in the synagogue, in the course of the regular order of prayers. Reciting it at other times, however, especially on its own, is permitted.[12] There are also those who rule that it is permitted to recite Birkat Kohanim at any time if done in a whisper or more reserved manner.[13] Finally, there is also a view that the ban against non-Kohanim reciting Birkat Kohanim only applies in the Beit Hamikdash. Outside of the Beit Hamikdash, however, anyone may use it as a formula to bless others.[14]
Considering that the custom to bless one's children on Friday nights with the verses of Birkat Kohanim is so widespread, it is clear that doing so must be permissible, or otherwise rabbinic authorities would have put an end to it long ago.[15] In order to further alleviate any concerns with non-Kohanim using the verses of Birkat Kohanim, some authorities recommend that one place only one hand upon the head of one’s children when blessing them, rather than using both hands as Kohanim do.[16] Most authorities, however, rule that there is no need to refrain from using both hands when blessing one’s children and, in fact, a number of authorities encourage one to do so.[17] In some families, parents do not bless their children during the week of shiva.[18]
[1] Sefer Hachaim 3:6; Siddur Yaavetz; Pele Yoetz, berachot.
[2] See Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 271:2.
[3] Bamidbar 6:23.
[4] Maavar Yavok, siftei renanot 43; Mekor Chaim (Bachrach)
[5] Rivevot Ephraim 5:195.
[6] http://www.torah.org.il/learning/ravfrand/5764/vayechi.html.
[7] See for example: http://mevakeshlev.blogspot.co.il/2013/12/blessing-children.html.
[8] Ketubot 24b; Biur Halacha 128. See also Shabbat 118b, Tosfot.
[9] Bach, OC 128; Mishna Berura 128:3; Ketav Sofer 11:8.
[10] Bach, OC 128; Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 271:2.
[11] Tosfot, Shabbat 118b; Magen Avraham 128:1.
[12] Biur Halacha 128.
[13] Mishna Berura 128:3.
[14] Pnei Yehoshua, Ketubot 24b.
[15] Rivevot Ephraim 7:92.
[16] Siddur Hagra.
[17] Yechave Da'at 5:14; Be'er Moshe 4:25; Minhag Yisrael Torah, OC 271:2.
[18] Maharil, Hilchot Semachot.