QUESTION: Is there a mitzvah to honor stepparents?

ANSWER: There is a Torah obligation to honor a stepmother or a stepfather so long as one’s father or mother is still alive. Once the parent passes away, there is no further obligation to honor the stepparent. However, the Gemara (Kesubos 103a) relates that Rebbi Yehuda HaNasi instructed his children before his passing to continue to show honor to their stepmother, and this is the accepted practice of all G-d fearing individuals even though it is not a formal obligation (Aruch Hashulchan YD 240:43).

The Birkei Yosef (YD 240:16) writes that one is obligated to show honor to their stepmother even if their birth mother objects. Honoring their stepmother is a means of honoring their father, and the birth mother’s objections do not remove this obligation. However, Halachos Ketanos (1:28) writes that if there is a question of who should be honored first (e.g., one’s mother and stepmother both ask for a drink of water), one is obligated to honor one’s mother first. Though they are both Torah obligations, the honor that is due to a parent is greater than that due to a stepparent.

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The Gerald & Karin Feldhamer OU Kosher Halacha Yomis is dedicated to the memory of Rav Yisroel Belsky, zt"l, who served as halachic consultant for OU Kosher for more than 28 years; many of the responses in Halacha Yomis are based on the rulings of Rabbi Belsky. Subscribe to the Halacha Yomis daily email here.