Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
Parshat Vayetze begins with Yaakov Avinu leaving Be’er Sheva and going to Charan, the town where his mother Rivka comes from and where her family still resides. The Medrash fills in that Yaakov went to Charan hoping to find a wife, just as his grandfather Avraham Avinu had sent his servant Eliezer to Charan to find Yitzchak, Yaakov’s father, a wife. Bereishit Rabba then attributes to Yaakov Avinu the verses of Tehillim 121, “I lift my eyes to hehorim/the mountains from whence shall come my help. Ezri/my help comes from Hashem, Creator of heaven and earth.” In pure Medrashic style, the Medrash then explains these verses more homiletically, and our Sages continue to expound on them.
First the Medrash explains that Yaakov was looking for guidance not to hehorim/the mountains, but to hahorim/the parents. In this regard, he remembered that Eliezer, Avraham’s agent, had come laden with many gifts for a prospective bride and her family. He, however, came destitute. How would he find a wife, an ezer kinegdo? When he left his father’s house, he may indeed have carried some wealth with him, as had Eliezer. But, again according to the Medrash, Esau had sent his son Eliphaz to waylay Yaakov and kill him. Eliphaz, who had been raised in Yitzchak’s home, could not bring himself to murder Yaakov, yet he felt obligated to obey his father. Yaakov gave Eliphaz a solution; if Eliphaz would steal everything from Yaakov, Eliphaz would still be obeying his father’s command, for a pauper is considered as if dead. Following this solution, Yaakov arrived at Charan penniless.
Did Yaakov lack faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu, that without bearing gifts he would be unable to find a wife? Even though he knows that Hashem will help him, what is he worried about, asks the Tosher Rebbe z”l. What he was worried about, answer the Ksav Sofer, is that Hashem prefers running the world according to the natural order rather than miraculously. How will Hashem come to his aid without resorting to miracles? Yaakov Avinu did not despair, but based on the example of his parents, he did not see a solution.
The Tosher Rebbe z”l, in Avodat Avodah, offers further insight. There is a principle that one may not derive pleasure from a pure miracle, but one may derive pleasure from a miracle that is an expansion of something already existing. To illustrate this principle, the Tosher Rebbe z”l offers the example of Elisha’s miracle for the widow of the prophet Ovadya. She had nothing left in her house except a bit of oil and some flour, enough for one roll. She was resigned that she and her son would die of starvation. Elisha used that tiny bit of oil to keep pouring oil into every dish and jug the widow could find or borrow until there were no more utensils. When she stopped pouring, the oil ceased, but she had enough now to sell and subsist on the profits.
Yaakov, on the other hand, had nothing that could be increased. He would need a miracle mei’ayin/from nothing. How could he personally benefit if Hashem would do a miracle for him? However, the principle continues that if what one derives will be used in Hashem’s service and for mitzvoth, it is not considered personal benefit. Yaakov rethought his problem and knew that he would dedicate every aspect of his life to serving Hashem. Then he would be permitted to also enjoy the effects of whatever miracle Hashem would perform for him. The secret was to understand that, just as the verse continues, one must put Shamayim/Heaven/the spiritual before ha’aretz/the earth/the mundane. This was the great truth Yaakov’s grandfather Avraham Avinu had brought to the world and taught others.
In the final analysis, when all one has is trust in God, one can be sure that God will come to his aid, naturally or supernaturally. After all, writes the Shem MiShmuel, every aspect of our lives, life itself, comes miraculously from God. Only when one is in this dark and depressing space, when he feels help is beyond the natural order, can he fully come to appreciate the light of God’s “supernatural” intervention.
The very existence and history of our nation is proof of Hashem’s intervention and providence. Hashem interacts with us in a reciprocal fashion. When we trust in Him rather than in our own power or resources, Hashem pulls back, but when we unequivocally follow Him and trust in Him, He continues to provide all we need, whether we perceive it as positive or negative. This was the profound truth that Yaakov reminded himself of as he reviewed his current circumstances. He had no need to despair. As Rabbi Friedlander z”l, the Sifsei Chaim points out, Yaakov’s internal dialogue was not a lack of faith; it was the process toward greater faith.
While we need to put in our own effort, to do our hishtadlus, we must still realize that the result is still in the hands of Hashem, adds Mishchat Shemen. We may have a toy steering wheel on the passenger side of the car, and like a child, believe we are actually driving, but Hashem controls the actual steering wheel. Yaakov put his entire faith in Hashem. As he later says, “Bemakli ovarti et haYarden/[Only] with my staff did I cross the Jordan.” Yaakov Avinu had nothing else but his staff, representing his faith. It is this staff that became the bottom support fro the Mishkan/Tabernacle that his descendents would build to demonstrate their faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu. The word itself represents the initials declaring our faith – MaKeL -Meiolam Kivinu Loch/ we trust in You for all eternity.
In this vein, Mishchat Hashemen recalls hearing from Rabbi Halpern z”l of Manchester that an ancient manuscript was found with an alternate spelling of the name of our Chanukah heroes. While Maccabbee is usually written as MaCaBY signaling the battle cry of the warriors, Mi Chamocha Bo’eilin Y[Hashem’s four lettered name], this particular manuscript was written MaKaBI, Meiolam Kivinu Loch Y[God’s name]/We trust in You for all eternity.
Our hishtadlus/effort should ideally be in strengthening our bitachon/faith, but that level of spirituality is beyond most of us. Our tefillot, our prayer, is an integral part of our hishtadlus. While we put in our effort, we must always realize that we do not control the outcome. It is this message that we must inculcate in our children. Hashem creates the natural order, and He continues to control it. Our salvation comes from Hashem Who continues to make heaven and earth.
There must be a delicate balance between one’s personal effort and one’s faith, a balance that each of us must determine individually based on his own level of spirituality. “Six days shall you labor,” is permission to work, not a mandate to do so. What occupies our thoughts? When we are working, do our minds wander to thoughts of Torah, or when we are davening, do our minds wander to our business commitments? How close are you to relying completely on Hashem? The truth is that our success and wealth has been predetermined for the year. Although we must put in “natural” effort, putting in more effort will not change the final outcome. [Did we earn more money and are now able to cover those unexpected expenses, or are those unexpected expenses Hashem’s way of maintaining the predetermined earnings for the year?]
The Sifsei Chaim notes that so much of this parsha deals with the question of effort versus faith. Later in the parsha, for example, Hashem “heard” Rochel’s prayer for children. As the Seforno writes, Hashem took note of Rochel’s personal efforts to bear and raise a child. She gave her maidservant to Yaakov, as Sarah Imenu had done, hoping that in that merit she would conceive. In a more natural way, she bartered for the mandrake flowers, hoping that using them as a natural supplement would enhance her fertility. Hashem saw her efforts and gave her the pregnancy she prayed for. We must do our hishtadlus, whether it is in matters of health, wealth, shidduchim, or any other area, but we must never forget the Hashem controls the outcome. In fact, Rabbi Beyfus interprets our verse in Tehillim specifically this way, my ezer/wife will come from Hashem.
Hashem remains in control throughout our lives, not just at critical moments. In Ohel Moshe Rabbi Scheinerman relates a story cited in the Gemarrah. A matron asked Rabbi Yossi ben Chalafta what Hashem has been doing all these years after He created the world. Rabbi Yossi responded that Hashem is busy arranging matches between men and women. The matron, who had successfully arranged several matches herself, thought this was ludicrous and needn’t take much time. She quickly arranged one thousand matches between her servants and her maids. The following morning, one had a black eye, another a broken leg, and so on for all the matches. This matron had been a successful matchmaker who understood what each person needed. But the work only begins after the music stops and the couple goes home. Hashem stays involved and keeps the husband and wife compatible and living in peace together throughout their marriage. This is a full time job, and one the matron did not understand.
It is for this reason that the difficulty of arranging marriages is compared to the splitting of the Sea. Water, by its very nature, seeks to go back to its original form. Hashem needed to maintain the water in their columns until Bnei Yisroel had passed. It needed to be more than momentary. It needed to be sustained. Similarly, a husband and wife come from different backgrounds, Mars and Venus, and must work on becoming one and remaining one. This takes effort on the part of the couple throughout their marriage and includes the constant partnership with Hakodosh Boruch Hu to keep the marriage successful. “From whence will my wife/help come?” is not just for the introduction and ceremony, but also for the duration.
Personal hishtadlus, says the Brisker Rav, works in all areas except in the area of zivugim/matches. Here one must truly rely on Hashem to bring the appropriate match. However, one does his personal hishtadlus by davening to Hashem, for Hashem is the One who arranges the matches. Reciting Psalm 121 which includes the verse we’ve been discussing in the Shemonah Esrai before taking the final three steps back may indeed demonstrate that we are relying on Hashem to find us the appropriate match.
Yaakov knew that he needed to get married. He knew he faced challenges in presenting himself as a desirable match. Nevertheless, he put his faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu and Hashem provided the appropriate women who would be his helpmeets in forming the foundation of the shivtei kah/the twelve tribes of Israel. May Hashem speedily send appropriate matches to so many of our singles who are waiting and putting their faith in Him.