Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
The dreaded meeting between Yaakov Avinu and his brother Esau takes place in this parshah. On the surface, the meeting and the dialogue between Yaakov and Esau seems cordial. Esau suggests the two travel together to Seir. Yaakov demurs, saying that he has young children and many flocks, and will not be able to keep up the pace Esau can set. Esau is willing to slow down. Barring that, Esau suggests some of his entourage accompany Yaakov on his travels. Yaakov again declines this offer, saying he will travel slowly at his own pace until he arrives at Seir.
Despite this conversation that seems so amiable on the surface, there are undercurrents of meaning that clarify the motives of Esau and the defenses of Yaakov. From Yaakov’s responses, writes Rambam, we learn to avoid the descendents of Esau who generally want to accompany or partner with us totally for their own benefit. In fact, Yaakov’s prayer to Hashem before the meeting emphasizes this point, reminds us the Ohel Moshe. Yaakov’s words to Hashem were, “Save me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau.”
Yaakov understood that there is danger in Esau, whether he is putting on the face of a loving brother or actually acting as the evil Esau. Yaakov understood that Esau was trying a new tactic to defeat him. As the Shvilei Pinchas notes, citing the Ben Ish Chai, Esau’s offer of friendship was a devious plan to undermine the roots of Yaakov and destroy them through assimilation. As Rav Schwadron z”l points out, Esau urges Yaakov, “Nis’a vnelcha, ve’elcha lenegdecha/Let us travel and go together, or let me go opposite/against you.” Yaakov understood that in order to survive as Jews, writes Rabbi Wachtfogel,z”l he would need to separate from Esau, not even to accept the influence/protection of Esau’s men accompanying him. This would be the insidious holocaust created by friendship and assimilation, just as destructive as the physical holocaust perpetrated by our open enemies.
The Shvilei Pinchas continues to analyze the dialogue. We are told that the forces of evil and impurity, of Esau, will always be equal to the forces of sanctity, of Yaakov, but will never be stronger than the forces of Yaakov. But Hashem gave Bnei Yisroel a secret weapon to use against the impurity of the yetzer horo; Hashem gave us the Torah. When a Jew feels himself being overcome by the yetzer horo, he should attack it by going to the beis medrash, by studying Torah. Yaakov himself was not afraid of Esau’s tactics. After all, Yaakov had already defeated Esau’s ministering angel. But the children are still at risk. Yaakov tells Esau to go on ahead, so the children can observe his tactics and learn to defend themselves.
Nevertheless, it seems here that Esau is actually acting lovingly to his brother. In Ner Uziel, Rabbi Milevsky z”l suggests that in this moment, Esau was actually trying to actualize the vision of their father Yitzchak who had hoped the two would work together like Issachar and Zevulun, each with his own skill set, to disseminate the word of God to the world. Yaakov, however, remembered that Esau had spurned this task years before when he sold his birthright, and Yaakov did not trust Esau now. The only time this partnership can come to fruition will be in the Messianic era. Until then, we need to create barriers between ourselves and the others as we navigate the enticing glamor of the secular world.
What is at stake is the education of the children and the influence of the environment on that education. Rabbi Nebenzahl cites Moshe Rabbenu’s reaction to the request of the tribes of Reuven and Gad to receive their land on the other side of the Jordan River because the land provided good pasture for their herds. Moshe Rabbenu notes that while animals are important in Hashem’s service, children are much more important, and children can flourish best in the holy environment of Eretz Yisroel. With this idea in mind, Bnei Yisroel renamed all the pagan cities they captured with names that reflect the Jewish heritage. Even street names rolling off one’s lips can have an effect on one’s identity as a Jew and on his education.
Rabbi Modechai Ezrachi brings a historical perspective to our discussion. Yaakov Avinu knew that his sons were destined to be the ancestors of the nation that was to serve Hashem. He had a tremendous responsibility that nothing should come between this potential and its actualization. In his response to Esau, Yaakov is referring to the [future] children. Moshe and Aharon are young. They are destined to be the leaders of Bnei Yisroel. And the tender sheep are Bnei Yisroel. In order to fulfill this potential, one cannot wait for the children to be born. [One must take prenatal vitamins. CKS] One must already start with Yaakov Avinu and the progenitors of the twelve tribes. One must start when the children are young and malleable and pay attention to every detail. In order to establish a strong foundation, one must begin working on oneself and building one step at a time. If the foundation is strong, the future generations will be able to call upon the merit of their forefathers.
Taking an even longer view, the Tosher Rebbe z”l writes in Avodat Avodah that the challenge of “Esau hates Yaakov” exists in every generation. Those short cycles when we enjoy a respite of this hatred can be attributed to this short moment that Esau felt a genuine love for his brother. These are only short respites, and the children cannot count on them The children must go slowly, making improvements on themselves along the way, each of us shrinking and overcoming the Esau/yetzer horo within ourselves. When each of us believes that the redemption depends on us individually, our whole persona will change, from our method of prayer, to our speech patterns, to how seriously we take the performance of each mitzvah and the dedication to avoiding sin [especially those that have become socially acceptable, CKS]. The geulah/redemption depends on me; what an awesome responsibility.
Hinted at in an alternate name for Bnei Yisroel, Yeshurun, is the idea that Bnei Yisroel wants to sing shirah to Hakodosh Boruch Hu. We want to thank Him and feel His Godliness within us. This takes hard work, starting with Yaakov Avinu himself.
There is another fundamental difference in the personalities of Yaakov and Esau, notes Rabbi Gamliel Rabinowitz in Tiv Hatorah. Esau tends to want quick and immediate success, while putting in minimal effort, even allowing for sleep and leisure. Yaakov, on the other hand, understands that it takes hard work to succeed, paying attention to each step along the way. Yaakov was allegorically leading the sheep on a spiritual ascent from the inanimate state, to the vegetable, to the animal, to the human/speaker, and finally to the spiritual souls of Bnei Yisroel. All this takes time, but Esau wanted to reach “Seir” immediately. Yaakov knew the process to this spiritual state was like a pregnancy that couldn’t be rushed before its time or it would not be successful.
The mission and entire raison d’etre of Bnei Yisroel is to bring the Moshiach. But the state to be worthy of Moshiach can only be achieved by taking small steps, one at a time, and keep growing. If we try to improve too quickly, says Rabbi Wolbe z”l, it can be like taking too much of a medication. In small doses, the medicine heals; in large doses, it can have terrible side effects and even death. Rabbi Wolbe z”l presents another analogy from his experience in flying over Egypt during war. The plane had to fly low, under the radar. If it flew higher, it would be detected, shot at, and brought down. Similarly, we must keep our attempts at improvement under the radar of the Satan. If we raise the stakes higher than we can easily accomplish, we will feel resentment and rebel against the improvement. Let’s keep each step of improvement “under the radar,” suggests Rabbi Wolbe z”l, so that we can be successful in improving our service to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
This was Yaakov’s response to Esau. We are not jumping with you to Seir. We are willing to take the long, slow route until we too reach Seir and Moshiach. The key is that we remain in the process.